


Crying All Alone

by anxious_logic



Series: Soulmate September 2020 [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Depression, Dissociation, Other, Suicide Attempt, clarification: patton does not attempt suicide, he believes his soulmate is, its non-graphic and not even confirmed but it is there, this is dark for me wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:08:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26312392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxious_logic/pseuds/anxious_logic
Summary: Patton was worried about his soulmate. He had felt nothing but constant hopelessness and depression from his soulmate for the last three weeks. Patton had felt episodes of apathy for days, sometimes weeks, before where he wouldn’t feel anything, but this wasn’t just feeling nothing; this was oppressive, never-ending negativity.
Series: Soulmate September 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907686
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	Crying All Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmate September Day 5: Any intense emotions your soulmate feels you will also experience.
> 
> Warnings: Depression, dissociation, assumed suicide attempt

Patton was worried about his soulmate.

He knew that it was normal for everyone to feel their soulmates’ particularly strong emotions – happiness or sadness, usually. Sometimes anger. If you were particularly lucky (or unlucky), love.

But Patton had felt nothing but constant hopelessness and depression from his soulmate for the last three weeks (he had been carefully marking the days off on his calendar with kitty stickers – just to try to make him feel that little tiny bit better). He knew that his soulmate probably had depression – he’d felt episodes of apathy for days, sometimes weeks, where he wouldn’t feel anything from his soulmate – but this was different. This wasn’t just feeling nothing; this was oppressive, never-ending negativity.

He tried to watch cute animal videos, of kittens meowing and puppies falling over their feet, to give his soulmate happy feelings.

It never seemed to work.

Patton just had to go on by himself and pray that his soulmate would be okay.

***

This was not good.

His soulmate’s feelings had changed. No longer were they apathy and hopelessness; now Patton was only feeling sadness.

Sadness and determination.

Patton had never been at the place his soulmate currently seemed to be – thank God – but he knew what that probably meant. Sadness, over having to do this. Determination, that he was going to follow this all the way through

His soulmate was probably going to try to kill themselves.

Patton curled up on his bed, feeling like he wasn’t attached to his body. He couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t change this, he couldn’t stop his soulmate, but he would damn well try.

_Don’t_ , he thought as hard as he could to his soulmate. _Don’t, don’t, I need you, your family needs you, we love you, we’re here for you, I love you, I love you, I love you-_

He was thinking as hard as he could, trying to send feelings of love and acceptance and care to his soulmate.

He barely noticed when his mom came into his room to check on him. He’d later be told that he’d missed dinner, that he was crying so hard they could hear him downstairs, that he was completely unresponsive when she tried to ask what was wrong. When he came back to himself, he’d feel his mom holding him tightly, his dad sitting next to them on the bed, both with their phones out, sending increasingly worried words and glances over Patton’s head.

But he didn’t know any of that right now. All he knew was that he _needed_ to help his soulmate. Now. Or else he might not ever get to help them again.

**Author's Note:**

> That was a ride, wasn't it... I wrote this with Royality in mind, but it can be read any way you like to make it hurt more. :)
> 
> Comment or kudos if this made you feel things?
> 
> I'm also on tumblr @anxious-logic, let me know there if you want to see a resolution to this!


End file.
